Thoughts on growing older and embracing my aging body
On wrinkles and finding self-acceptance
Last month I watched a clip from an interview of Sarah Jessica Parker on The Howard Stern Show, where she talks candidly about aging and her choice not to do Botox or have a facelift. She’s not at all critical of those who have done it. In fact, she mentions that she sometimes wonders if she should have done it at 44 when she first started noticing changes, back when it would have felt more natural to do it.
I keep thinking about that clip. Maybe it’s because I turned 44 this year and I can feel a shift happening to me too. I notice small changes, especially when I look closely, and I also sometimes surprise myself when I catch my reflection in a mirror. I still feel youthful (apart from the niggling pain in my right hip), but the person in the mirror is starting to tell a different story. SJP’s comment is a reminder that, at age 44, I’m in this in-between place where I’m no longer young, but not quite old either, and that the wrinkles I have now are only going to get ‘worse’.
Whenever I feel negative thoughts creep in about my appearance or aging body, I try to stop myself. Like a good friend who won’t countenance her friend talking badly about herself, I boldly interrupt my thoughts. And not just stop them, but I actively reframe them. I make myself look again at that person in the mirror with loving compassion. I get right up close to the mirror and notice that wrinkle under my eye or that crease between my eyes and remind myself why it’s there. A little crease that has formed from smiling over and over again. It holds the evidence of laughter and joy (and times of grief and moments of stress and sadness too). What a beautiful thing, actually— it’s visible proof of the life I have lived and the growing and learning I’ve done.
It’s not easy, of course. The inner pep talk requires consistent effort. Notice the thought. Interrupt it. Reframe it. Remind myself what really matters. Focus instead on those things.
It makes me angry that this practice is even necessary. The fact that I’m writing this post upsets me. There are far more important things to care about in this world! We’ve been conditioned to think that wrinkles aren’t beautiful, and entire industries profit from this collective misconception, convincing us that aging is something we need to fix. Why are we all buying this rubbish? Really, though… WHY ??? Who decided that laughter lines or smile creases were flaws? Imagine what would happen if we all stopped believing this.
Beauty standards are also arbitrary. When I put up this video on Instagram a few months ago, someone left me a comment to say that, where she comes from in The Gambia, West Africa, creases on the neck are associated with beauty, femininity and even prosperity. I loved reading this. All my life, I have felt self-conscious of my neck creases (see below, a pic of me aged 7)! How silly, right? These creases are just a part of me, in the same way that my eyes are brown and my second toe is longer than my first. Why waste time wishing those things were different?
